D-Day: Indian Election Results 2014

As the whole nation, the world’s largest democracy waited with bated breath for the election results on May 16th, we got some reactions from prominent party members from all parties on the course of counting the votes. This being a country with different story unfolding in every state/region added to the complexity of the elections making it difficult to predict the winner as it was a close fight in some of the regions. So let’s hear in before wasting any further time..

Congi Spokesperson on his party’s dismal performance hinting an end to dynasty politics:

Aisa Zakhm Diya Hai Jo Naa Phir Bharega

Har Naagrikon Se, Ab Yeh Dil Darega

Hum Toh Election Haar Kar Yunhi Mar Mite The

Sun Lo Ye Voteron, Yeh Humse Ab Na Hoga

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Apni Toh Jaise Taise Thodi Aise Ya Waise

Apni Toh Jaise Taise Thodi Aise Ya Waise

Kat Jaayegi, AAP Ka Kya Hoga Janabe-Ali

AAP Ka Kya Hoga??

Kejriwal introspecting on winning only 4 seats covering only Punjab and not opening it’s account elsewhere:

Hum Toh Teher Punjabi, Satta kya banaoge??

Subah Pehle Gaadi Se, Ghar Ko Laut Jaayenge…

Kejri then dedicates the same song to Congress President Ms Gandhi:

Tum Toh Teher Pardesi, Satta kya banaoge??

Subah Pehle Flight Se, Italy Ko Laut Jaaogee…

Diggi proposes his lady love expecting a positve answer,asking some serious questions at the same time on a counting day:

Hum AAP ke hai kaun??

Hum AAP ke hai kaun??

N D Tiwari(88, who recently got married) feels left out and fears of a serious competition from Diggi:

Le Jayenge Le Jayenge

Dilwale Dulhaniya Le Jayenge

Aji Rahey Jayenge Rahey Jayenge

Bachelors Dektey Rahey Jayenge

Diggi(67) hits back and dedicates a song to his lady love Amrita Rai paying no heed to election results trends:

Jawaani Jaaneman Haseen Amrita

Milein Do Dil Jawaan Nisaar Ho Gaya

Shikaar Khud Yahaan Shikaar Ho Gaya

Yeh Kya Sitam Huwa Yeh Kya Zulam Huwa

Yeh Kya Ghazab Huwa Yeh Kaise Kab Huwa

Na Jaanoon Main Na Jaane Woh, Ahaaaaaa!!!

BSP, DMK, NC could not manage a single seat which was shocking and surprising at the same time. To celebrate this momentous occasion, Maya sang this song:

Anda anda anda anda anda………

Aao sikhao tumhe ande ka funda

Yeh nahee pyare koyi mamuli banda

Iss me chhupa hai election ka fal safa

Ande me anda anda, funde me funda anda

Ande ka anda anda, funde ka funda anda

Once BJP made mission 272 success on it’s own:

Na Chahoon Sona Chaandi, Na Maangoon Amma Didi

Yeh Mere Kis Kaam Ke??

Na Maangoon BJD Bhi, Na Maangoon TDP bhi

Yeh To Hain Bas Naam Ke

Deti Hai Support De Badle Mein Support Le

Ghe ghe ghe ghe ghe, ghe Re Saahiba

Politics Mein Sauda Nahin

Most of Congress prominent leaders and sitting MP’s were thrown out of power swiped by Modi Wave. They were heard like this in a party meeting after results were announced.

Chalkaye Jaam Aayiye AapKi Haar Ke Naam, Modi ke Naam

Soniya introspecting on RaGa:

Ufff Ab Main Kya Karoon

Main Kya Karoon, Main Kya Karoon..

Is Rahul Ka Kya Karoon, Main Kya Karoon Main Kya Karoon..

L K Advani could not fulfill his dream of being a PM one day and was not very excited(as expected) to see Modi win. He was caught singing this song at his home:

Abhi Mujh Mein Kahin, Baaki Thodi Si Hai Zindagi,

Jagi Umeed Nayi Banna Mujhe atleast Speaker Sahi

Some of the important news update of the hour

2 people (Mr NoSe and Mr YoYo) were spotted in the theatres watching latest comedy cum tragedy cum mystery cum musical cum drama cum thriller ‘The Xpose’ starring greatest singer of our generation Mr. Himesh Reshammiya and greatest rapper Mr. Yo Yo Honey Singhaaaa….

Rakhi Sawant’s Hari Mirchi managed to grab 15 votes in her debut election. Search is on for 14 people who voted for her.

Congress has managed to win less than 50 seats which would give them all the liberty to create a WatsApp group without leaving out any MP.

Let’s spare 2 minute silence for MMS 10 years of silence.

RaGa will be conferred highest civilian award of India- Bharat Ratna,for campaigning rigorously and giving a lone interview(To Ornab Da) for bringing up a change,giving hope and bright future for this country by rooting out Congress in their worst ever defeat after independence.

H D DeveGowda and others said that if NaMo comes into power, they will leave India. Now that he has won, they are saying they were ‘misquoted’.

Meanwhile, Diggi & N D Tiwari begin to fight again, this time humming English songs. Diggi says I’m sexy and I know it and Tiwari responds saying I Just Can’t Get Enough

People of this country singing in unison once final results were out announcing NaMo as the PM with a landslide victory:

Bande Mein Hai Dum Vande Mataram!!

Bande Mein Hai Dum Vande Mataram!!

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Kyunki Tum Hi Ho Ab Tum Hi Ho

Zindagi, Ab Tum Hi Ho

Bharosa Bhi, Mera Vikas bhi,

Mere PM Bhi, Ab Tum Hi Ho

All Thought it was Modi Wave/Tsunami watever you call it that made the difference in this historic election. Read on to know the real reason..

All The Modi Fans Yeh, Don’t Miss the Chance Yeh

All The Modi Fans Yeh, Don’t Miss the Chance Yeh

To Thank Rajni Kantha, THE ‘THAILAVA’(as Namo met Rajni before results)

So here’s the tribute…..

Moochhon ko thoda round Ghumaa ke

Annaa ke jaisaa chashmaa lagaa ke

Coconut Mein lassi milaa ke

Aa jao saare mood bana ke..

All The Rajni Fans Yeh, Don’t Miss the Chance Yeh

All The Rajni Fans Yeh, Don’t Miss the Chance Yeh

Lungi Dance Lungi Dance

Lungi Dance Lungi Dance

Lungi Dance Lungi Dance

PS: NOM to any person involved. Just written for fun. 😉

Nation wants to know who is the next PM

Preface: Frankly Speaking, nation wants to know a lot of things about our PM candidates. This is just the beginning. NOM to any real people/entity with this hypothetical interview.

So elections fever is on as is evident clearly. In some states/constituencies, polling is done already and in others there is anticipation of the D-day. For campaigning, our leaders promote their party day in and day out in rallies all over India. They even promote their party in press, newspapers, news channels and elsewhere. So one fine day to promote their party to whole new heights all the prominent netas went to the ‘legen–wait for it daryyy’ Ornab Da’ s show Frankly Speaking.

Frankly Speaking, this is the entertainment no 1 show(against popular perception that it’s news debate show) which sometimes for a change caters to news(read paid news),creates huge TRPs for the channel(other prominent channel debate shows are no match) but also more importantly is responsible to give ideas (read News Item) to lot of satire artists all over the country. Since the inception of this show, satire industry is booming and satire artists can’t imagine their life without this show and Ornab Da is the sole person for whom this success should be credited. Cross questioning, investigating(rather than interviewing) and more importantly shouting are his strengths which no one in media can match.Enough said and given praises(read bezati), let’s start the show.

Guest tonight is not 1 or 2 but all the 3 PM candidates who are to rule India in the near future. So introducing all for the first time ever in one platform:

NaMo aka HOTY(frontrunner who is in red hot form),AK aka NOTY(who exposes everyone),RaGa aka POTY(u know what is POTY right??) and our beloved Ornab Da aka KOTY(read in Kannada).

KOTY: I have only 10 questions and whoever answers(read controversial answers)it well and more importantly answers it first(by pressing buzzer in KJo’s Kofee With Karan ishtyle) will be the next PM.

Q1: Who is giving his first ever TV interview now??

HOTY and NOTY presses the buzzer at the same time and answer POTY.

HOTY: I pressed buzzer first.

NOTY: I did.

KOTY: You both can answer.

HOTY: My answer is POTY. He should have been the first ever person to answer this Q. LOL

NOTY: POTY it is. ROFL

KOTY: HOTY 1, NOTY 1, POTY a big Unda.

POTY: This is cheating. I will complain to my mummy.

Q2: Which came first Chicken or Egg?

All of them press buzzer and has different theory altogether.

NOTY: Neither Chicken Nor Egg came first. Jan LokPal came first…

HOTY: In Gujarat,we don’t divide people like Congress do elsewhere and believe in giving equal opportunities.

POTY: It doesn’t matter as long as both have surnames as Gandhi both will come first in class.

KOTY: But we are not talking about any class here.

POTY: What if I ask you the same question???

KOTY: Excuse me. It is your interview(that too your first one in 10 years),not mine.

After 2nd Question, I think I have to give to everyone(as I don’t know the answer- silent LOL)

HOTY 2, NOTY 2, POTY 1.

Q3: What is escape velocity of Jupiter??

Only HOTY and POTY press buzzer this time.

HOTY: The speed at which Congress comes up with new scams that prevents law from catching up.

POTY: It’s 60 km/sec (Thinking- Thank GOD!! I remembered this now while mugging up this concept for some totally unrelated speech)

KOTY: I am blown away by your answer POTY. Well done(How does this kid know so much at this young age of 42??)

HOTY 2, NOTY 2, POTY 2.

Q4: Can anyone ever get cornered in a round room??

Only POTY buzz this time.

POTY: Yes. Only I can(when you interview me again) and Rajnikanth off course.

POTY with the lead now.

HOTY 2, NOTY 2, POTY 3.

Q5: A tough one-How can corruption be solved in this country??

All press buzzers with different answers/ideas.

NOTY: By sweeping away corruption from broom.

HOTY: By voting out Congress, half the problem will be solved, We want a Congress Mukt Bharat.

POTY: By one and only one thing-Voting for Congress!! What is corruption?? It is state of mind just like poverty is.

KOTY: Well done all of you.(State of Mind??You’re out of your mind)

HOTY 3, NOTY 3, POTY 4.

Q6: When was the last recorded time when MMS spoke?

NOTY wins it hands down by answering The day before he became PM of this country for the first time.

HOTY 3, NOTY 4, POTY 4.

Q7: What is Power of 49?

NOTY: Very proudly, the power of my government for ruling Delhi for 49 days.

HOTY: Power of 49 is women empowerment to make or break the government.

POTY: Power is poison and 49 is just another number (Meanwhile he mugs up this answer ‘Women Empowerment’ from HOTY)

Everyone in the studio is ROFLing and LOLing to this reply.  KOTY feels left out and shouts by raising his voice.  Just then Raj Thackeray breaks in to the studio to watch this much awaited show live. KOTY goes silent for the first time in the history of this show.

HOTY 4, NOTY 4, POTY 4.

Q8: What is the first thing you want to do if you become PM?

NOTY: I want to remove corruption in the country by bringing in a strong LokPal.

HOTY: I want to elect only clean candidates in my cabinet and leave out corrupted ones.

POTY: Women Empowerment(with a dumb face)

KOTY: I am not able to decide. So score still remains at HOTY 4, NOTY 4, POTY 4.

Q9: Is there a MODI wave, AAP revolution or what do I say about Rahul Baba?

POTY: This is insulting. I want to empower journalists as well along with the women. Next question please.

KOTY: HOTY 4, NOTY 4, POTY 4

Last question of the interview which is going to change the fate of this country.Everyone waits for baited breath as this is their last chance for redemption.

Q10: Why should we vote you??

NOTY: After adding CM in my CV, I want to add PM also.

POTY: I want to enjoy my life for 5 more years.

HOTY: Ha ha ha. Do we have any other option??

KOTY: I have to say this all of you have scored equally with this question. Let the public decide whom to vote and decide the fate of this country. Who am I to judge??

NOTY: Is this a publicity stunt?? And is the show funded by Mr. Ambani??

HOTY: Nation wants to know. Kaun he yeh aadmi??? Zara ghor se diye is shaks ko. Yeh hi hey yeh aadmi jo chila chila ke logon ko jeena haram karta hai. LOL

As the show director says packup..

POTY: Where is my Coffee Toffee Hamper for winning the buzzer round for first time on debut??

KOTY: I had bought only 1 which I am taking home as I was not able to decide who should have got it.

POTY: Mummyyyyyyyyyyyyy…………….

P.S: From uncut version of this show

KOTY: I want to confess that I am not able to decide whom to vote.

NOTY: After exposing everyone, I too got exposed only once in my life.

HOTY: Gujrat model will not work for India. Rather a different set of decisions/model have to be made for each state.

POTY: Mein kabhi batlata nahin, par Modi se mein daartan hun main Maa.

Pic courtesy : TVF

The Great Indian Election Debate

It’s election time !!! The biggest reality show ever of the largest democracy in the world. To impress upon the people and show(read fool) the people that we have done good work(or rather not done at all), all the politicians from major parties came forward to discuss in what could be the most important debates ever. Sounds interesting? No? Anyways lets get the show started…

Disclaimer: All characters presented here are fictitious and created in the vast expanse of the mind by unleashing imaginative power. Any resemblance to living person or dead is purely intentional and written with the only objective of having fun with the words and not to mean any offence to any person involved.

So here’s Presenting snippets from the debate…

Baitein baitein kya kare karna hai kuch kaam, shuru karo debate show, leke prabhu ka naam..

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Soniyo: ABCD Padhli bahut Thandi aahein bhar li bahut, Acchi baat kar li bahut, Ab karenge tere saat Gandhi Baat Gandhi Gandhi Gandhi Baat Gandhi Baat.

Pappu(Can’t Speak Saala) : Aap ko kya lagta hai iss baar hamari party election jitegi?

Soniyo: Abki baar(Modi sarkaar) Abki baar(Modi sarkaar), toh lagta hai sirf DON jitega.

Pappu: DON?

Soniyo: Wohi Gujrati DON (Darling Of the Nation)

Pappu: Mummy,Mummy

Soniyo: Yes Pappu

Pappu: Telling lies??

Soniyo: No Pappu

Pappu: Mummy,Agar main PM nahin bana to kya karunga???

Soniyo: Beta, Mujhe toh yeh chinta hai ki agar ban gaya toh kya karega?(LOL)

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Itne mein ek awaaz suniya deti hai jo kisine aaj tak suni ho …..

Kaisi Teri Khudgarzi Na Humein sune na koi

Kaisi Teri Khudgarzi teri authority se mum hai koi

Ban liya mera Paigambar

Tar liya saat samundar(Italy se) Phir bhi sookha mann ke andar

Kyun reh gaya Re??

Soniya maan ja

Oh Madamji Maan ja

Aaja tujhko pukare teri Manmohaniyaaa..

Manmohaniyaa: Soniyooooo…. O Soniyoooooo re, maan jaa..

Soniyo: Chup. Bilkul Chup. Buloo mat, hum debate kar rahe hain,public hamein dekh rahi hai.

Woh din tha aur aaj din hai jaahaan kisine Manmahoniya ko suna hai na sun payega…….

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Arey Diwano,Mujhe pehchano,Gujarat se aaya,Mein hun kaun?

Mein hun kaun,mein hun kaun,Mein hun mein hun mein hun kaun

DON DON DON….

NaMo: Ek baat zara ghor se suno Soniyo, Don ko harana mushkil hi nahi naamumkin hai

Soniyo: Hum bhi kisise kam nahi hai..

NaMo: Haan Scams karne mein. Aap jeetein hum haare.

Soniyo: AAP jeetein toh tum haare. Dilli mein !! (LOL)

NaMo: Hum haare nahin aur AAP jeetein nahin. Woh toh tum logon ka mili bhagat hai.

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NaMo:Pal do pal ka yeh safar, Pal do pal ka sarkaar

Humne hanskar AAP se yunhee kar li baat

Hadh kardi AAP ne Hadh kardi AAP ne

AK 49: Ab toh hadh karni padegi. Kyunki aap logon ne hadh paar kar li he.(public applauds)

NaMo: Toh AAP ka next dharna kab hai?

AK 49: Chai ke liye jaise toast hota hai, waise har ek dharna jaroori hota hai. Dharna Zaroori hai !!

NaMo: Dharna Mana hai !! Mein bhi RGV ka fan hun (smiling with tongue out)

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Dhina Din Dha  Dhina Din Dha Dhina Din Dha

2G, CoalG, 2G, CWG, lo G suno G

Main hun ManMohan G

Karta hun Main jo woh tum bhi karo G

1 2 ka 4 , 4 2 ka 1

My name is Manmohan  My name is Manmohan

Sab logon ka PM,Mera naam hai Manmohan (Sab ka PM?? Soniyo: ROFL)

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Aka Chikee Lakee Chikee

Chikee Lakee Chu Mera Chekee Dimple Chikee Chikee

Lakee Chikee Chu

Aka Chikee Lakee Chikee Chikee

Lakee Chikee Chu Mera Chekee Dimple Chikee Chikee

Lakee Chikee Chu

Mai Khwabon Ka Shehzada Mai Hu Har Dil Pe Chhaya

Ho, Zero Hai Meri IQ  Mai Hu Congress ka VP

Congress Dubaane Mai Hu Aaya Congress Dubaane Mai Hu Aaya

Kehte Hain Mujhko Rahulaaa Gandhiii

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Ting Tang ,Ting Tang-Tang,Ting Tang,Ting Tang-Tang

Raaaraaareeeruuuu Ahaa Raaaraaareeeruuuu

NaMo: Ji haan mein hun aapka Nayak

Ting Tang,Ting Tang-Tang,Ting Tang,Ting Tang-Tang

Khalnayak nahinnn,Nayak hun main

Khalnayak nahinnn,Nayak hun main zulmi nahin sukhdayak hun main

Hai nafrat kya mujhko kya khabar, bas yaar pyaar ke laayak hun main.(public applauds)

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AK 49: Haanny hum mar jaayenge(corruption se), hum toh lut jaayenge(corruption se)

Aisi baatein kiya na karo, humein govt form karna ka mauka toh de do

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NaMo: Govt ka hai 49 din o o o o o, Baaki sab dharne ke din ooooooo

Jaaye Jaaye Jaaaye Jaaye Ek baar jab govt jaye,toh phir na kabhi bhi aaye

Ho Ho,toh phir na kabhi bhi aaye(BJP fans applaud)

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AK 49: Mera WagonR hai Japani, Yeh patloon English staani

Sar pe AAP ki topi , Aur Dil hai Hindustani(NaMo: LOL)

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NaMo: Iski topi uske sar,Uski topi iske sar

Iski topi uske sar,Uski topi iske sar

Aise hi chalta hai,Sari duniya ka chakkar

Samjhe mister

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As we conclude the debate,let’s hear in last thoughts from our PM candidates..

Pappu: I want to open up the system, bring in RTI, do women empowerment and give these 3 fundas to anything you ask. Vote For Me !! (Soniyo:LOL)

AK 49: AAP ki sarkaar, AAP ka PM

NaMo: Tera dhiyaan kidhar he, yeh tera PM idhar he

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P.S: Vote wisely. Vote For India !! And yeah vote/rate this blogpost too…

Keep Smiling 🙂