Preface: Frankly Speaking, nation wants to know a lot of things about our PM candidates. This is just the beginning. NOM to any real people/entity with this hypothetical interview.
So elections fever is on as is evident clearly. In some states/constituencies, polling is done already and in others there is anticipation of the D-day. For campaigning, our leaders promote their party day in and day out in rallies all over India. They even promote their party in press, newspapers, news channels and elsewhere. So one fine day to promote their party to whole new heights all the prominent netas went to the ‘legen–wait for it daryyy’ Ornab Da’ s show Frankly Speaking.
Frankly Speaking, this is the entertainment no 1 show(against popular perception that it’s news debate show) which sometimes for a change caters to news(read paid news),creates huge TRPs for the channel(other prominent channel debate shows are no match) but also more importantly is responsible to give ideas (read News Item) to lot of satire artists all over the country. Since the inception of this show, satire industry is booming and satire artists can’t imagine their life without this show and Ornab Da is the sole person for whom this success should be credited. Cross questioning, investigating(rather than interviewing) and more importantly shouting are his strengths which no one in media can match.Enough said and given praises(read bezati), let’s start the show.
Guest tonight is not 1 or 2 but all the 3 PM candidates who are to rule India in the near future. So introducing all for the first time ever in one platform:
NaMo aka HOTY(frontrunner who is in red hot form),AK aka NOTY(who exposes everyone),RaGa aka POTY(u know what is POTY right??) and our beloved Ornab Da aka KOTY(read in Kannada).
KOTY: I have only 10 questions and whoever answers(read controversial answers)it well and more importantly answers it first(by pressing buzzer in KJo’s Kofee With Karan ishtyle) will be the next PM.
Q1: Who is giving his first ever TV interview now??
HOTY and NOTY presses the buzzer at the same time and answer POTY.
HOTY: I pressed buzzer first.
NOTY: I did.
KOTY: You both can answer.
HOTY: My answer is POTY. He should have been the first ever person to answer this Q. LOL
NOTY: POTY it is. ROFL
KOTY: HOTY 1, NOTY 1, POTY a big Unda.
POTY: This is cheating. I will complain to my mummy.
Q2: Which came first Chicken or Egg?
All of them press buzzer and has different theory altogether.
NOTY: Neither Chicken Nor Egg came first. Jan LokPal came first…
HOTY: In Gujarat,we don’t divide people like Congress do elsewhere and believe in giving equal opportunities.
POTY: It doesn’t matter as long as both have surnames as Gandhi both will come first in class.
KOTY: But we are not talking about any class here.
POTY: What if I ask you the same question???
KOTY: Excuse me. It is your interview(that too your first one in 10 years),not mine.
After 2nd Question, I think I have to give to everyone(as I don’t know the answer- silent LOL)
HOTY 2, NOTY 2, POTY 1.
Q3: What is escape velocity of Jupiter??
Only HOTY and POTY press buzzer this time.
HOTY: The speed at which Congress comes up with new scams that prevents law from catching up.
POTY: It’s 60 km/sec (Thinking- Thank GOD!! I remembered this now while mugging up this concept for some totally unrelated speech)
KOTY: I am blown away by your answer POTY. Well done(How does this kid know so much at this young age of 42??)
HOTY 2, NOTY 2, POTY 2.
Q4: Can anyone ever get cornered in a round room??
Only POTY buzz this time.
POTY: Yes. Only I can(when you interview me again) and Rajnikanth off course.
POTY with the lead now.
HOTY 2, NOTY 2, POTY 3.
Q5: A tough one-How can corruption be solved in this country??
All press buzzers with different answers/ideas.
NOTY: By sweeping away corruption from broom.
HOTY: By voting out Congress, half the problem will be solved, We want a Congress Mukt Bharat.
POTY: By one and only one thing-Voting for Congress!! What is corruption?? It is state of mind just like poverty is.
KOTY: Well done all of you.(State of Mind??You’re out of your mind)
HOTY 3, NOTY 3, POTY 4.
Q6: When was the last recorded time when MMS spoke?
NOTY wins it hands down by answering The day before he became PM of this country for the first time.
HOTY 3, NOTY 4, POTY 4.
Q7: What is Power of 49?
NOTY: Very proudly, the power of my government for ruling Delhi for 49 days.
HOTY: Power of 49 is women empowerment to make or break the government.
POTY: Power is poison and 49 is just another number (Meanwhile he mugs up this answer ‘Women Empowerment’ from HOTY)
Everyone in the studio is ROFLing and LOLing to this reply. KOTY feels left out and shouts by raising his voice. Just then Raj Thackeray breaks in to the studio to watch this much awaited show live. KOTY goes silent for the first time in the history of this show.
HOTY 4, NOTY 4, POTY 4.
Q8: What is the first thing you want to do if you become PM?
NOTY: I want to remove corruption in the country by bringing in a strong LokPal.
HOTY: I want to elect only clean candidates in my cabinet and leave out corrupted ones.
POTY: Women Empowerment(with a dumb face)
KOTY: I am not able to decide. So score still remains at HOTY 4, NOTY 4, POTY 4.
Q9: Is there a MODI wave, AAP revolution or what do I say about Rahul Baba?
POTY: This is insulting. I want to empower journalists as well along with the women. Next question please.
KOTY: HOTY 4, NOTY 4, POTY 4
Last question of the interview which is going to change the fate of this country.Everyone waits for baited breath as this is their last chance for redemption.
Q10: Why should we vote you??
NOTY: After adding CM in my CV, I want to add PM also.
POTY: I want to enjoy my life for 5 more years.
HOTY: Ha ha ha. Do we have any other option??
KOTY: I have to say this all of you have scored equally with this question. Let the public decide whom to vote and decide the fate of this country. Who am I to judge??
NOTY: Is this a publicity stunt?? And is the show funded by Mr. Ambani??
HOTY: Nation wants to know. Kaun he yeh aadmi??? Zara ghor se diye is shaks ko. Yeh hi hey yeh aadmi jo chila chila ke logon ko jeena haram karta hai. LOL
As the show director says packup..
POTY: Where is my Coffee Toffee Hamper for winning the buzzer round for first time on debut??
KOTY: I had bought only 1 which I am taking home as I was not able to decide who should have got it.
P.S: From uncut version of this show
KOTY: I want to confess that I am not able to decide whom to vote.
NOTY: After exposing everyone, I too got exposed only once in my life.
HOTY: Gujrat model will not work for India. Rather a different set of decisions/model have to be made for each state.
POTY: Mein kabhi batlata nahin, par Modi se mein daartan hun main Maa.
Pic courtesy : TVF